4 Reasons Why Tea Partiers Are Idiots:

4  Reasons Why Tea Partiers Are Idiots:

You’ve heard them on the radios; you’ve seen them on T.V. You’ve known them, you’ve lived among them, and (God forbid) you might even be one of them. But, do you know why they’re idiots? Here, I give you five reasons why members of the so called Tea Party movement are idiots.

1.       They hate the government: This has to be one of the stupidest arguments that Tea Partiers routinely make: “government doesn’t solve anything; it only makes the problem worse”. Oh really? So, you’re telling me that you don’t appreciate the government owned roads that you drive on for work every day, the government run police and fire stations that protect your house when you’re gone, the government military that prevents other nations from invading you, etc.? Give me a break.

Still not convinced? Well, let’s look at some other examples of countries with small government, say Somalia. How’s that working out for them?

2.       They like Glenn Beck: Or, specifically, they like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Michael Savage, Ron Paul, and a whole cadre of idiots who believe among other things that Barack Obama was born in Kenya the world was literally created in six days, and FEMA is running concentration camps.  Wow. Just wow.

3.       They hate taxing rich people: I have family members who are quite well off, including one household that makes over 150K per year, who live very comfortable lifestyles. However, even they don’t make enough money to pay more taxes if the Bush tax cuts are repealed. Yet, the Tea Party movement supports the repeal of these tax cuts, all under the guise of small government. Worse yet, they have duped tons of yokels into supporting this idea, very much against their own economic self interest. Again, wow.

4.       They cut spending needlessly: Let me explain. There are three main sources of discretionary government spending in this country (meaning after worker’s salaries have been paid, etc.): military, Social Security, and Medicare.  Between them, they account for like 80 or 90% of the budget annually. However, the whole focus of the Tea Partiers in balancing the budget is to cut programs like Pell Grants – spending that accounts for a tiny fraction (less than 1%) of the overall budget in the country annually. Bone heads.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I being too harsh? Leave your comments below.

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Funny or Die Sucks: Review of 3 New Videos

Image via CrunchBase

A while back on this blog, I wrote an entry about how the internet comedy series Funny or Die actually sucks and isn't very funny. However, I had a friend email me a link to some of their new videos so that I could do an updated review of the series. My updated opinion: Funny or Die is still hit or miss, with mostly misses and a very few mildly amusing hits. So, yeah, it still sucks. Scroll down for my review of the three new videos:

1.  Sequal to When Harry Met Sally:

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

In this sequal to When Harry Met Sally, a studio exec takes Billy Crystal's idea of making a sequel to the classical romantic comedy and turns it into a vampire movie renamed When Harry Bit Sally, Even though the idea is brilliant and Billy Crystal is one of my favorite all time comedians, the execution on the video seemed a little off. I thought the jokes were a bit forced (like the one where Crystal suddenly gets excited over a bloody handkerchief used for a circumcision) to somewhat gross (as when Crystal spits blood onto the window of a car without rolling it down). It felt like every other Funny or Die short I've ever seen -- good idea, lots of promise, poor execution, and poor comedic timing. It's still worth watching once, but it's not the type of video I'd post on Facebook or email to a friend.


2. Wax On, F*ck off with Ralph Macchio:

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

I actually found myself laughing a few times during this short, which is rare when I watch Funny or Die videos. The premise in this video is that Ralph Maccio (The Karate Kid) has to remake himself as a Hollywood bad boy to restart his movie career. The video has a few funny moments, like where he wants to make a sex tape with "no cuddling" at the end. Also, the scene where he is paying the hooker 50 bucks for a hug is pretty good. Even so, I still get this overall sense of pandering to stars from this video, just like every other Funny or Die video out there. I would also rate this one as a watch once video, with maybe a Facebook post if you have lots of Karate Kid fans in your family.


3. David Mamet's "Lost Masterpieces of Pornography"

David Mamet's "Lost Masterpieces of Pornography" w/ Kristen Bell, Ed O'Neill & Ricky Jay from David Mamet

Here is yet another video from Funny or Die that should have been funny, could have been funny, but wasn't. It had all of the elements: pretty girl, old guys, pornography lost since 1938 -- I guess those are all funny, right? The problem with this video is, like other Funny or Die videos, it just doesn't take itself seriously. The ideas are all right, the acting talent is there, but the execution is just off somehow.

I don't understand why Funny of Die isn't funny, I really don't. But, for some inexplicable reason, it isn't funny. So, yes, Funny or Die still sucks, unfortunately.

What do you think of Funny or Die?

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12 Year Old Physics Wonder Kid -- NOT!!!

As a scientist (specifically a Physicist), nothing bugs me quite so much as Pseudoscience. In many ways, it is literally the bane of society's existence and one of the reasons people find it so hard to understand real science. So, imagine my horror when I found the viral video of this "wonder kid" who is supposedly going to take on Einstein and change the world's understanding of Relativity. Yeah, right. Give me a break. Watch the video and scroll down for my comments as to why this brat doesn't know what he is talking about.




A few points.

1. There is no "forwards", "backwards", and "sideways" in the universe. Think about it: you're sitting out in the middle of a vacuum, no stars around you. Which way is up? Which way is down? Thus, when the little brat says "light doesn't accelerate forwards or backwards but exactly to the side", it is a statement that doesn't have any meaning. Light DOESN'T accelerate. As far as all experimental evidence I have ever seen has said, photons are created instantaneously traveling at c. If light accelerated, physicist would be able to (routinely) measure light in a vacuum at speeds far below c. This doesn't happen, at least as far as I am aware. If someone has a paper showing this, please send me the citation.

*Btw, just to clarify, light can travel slower inside of a non-vacuum, say in water. The photons of the light still travel at c, but they are being continuously absorbed and recreated by the electrons in the medium, making the effective propagation velocity of the light less than c.

2. Tachyons and massive photons have never been shown to exist, ever, at least that I am aware. If this kid has evidence of their existence, he needs to publish in a journal and claim his Nobel Prize. So, when the brat mumbles something towards the end of the clip about "Tachyons and massive photons exist . . .", he is just talking out of his ass.

3. I am not sure where this kid is getting a figure of a speed of light existing, perhaps in another universe," that is "0.9 faster than the speed of light in our universe", or whatever he said. This is a figure that, in my opinion, the kid has once again pulled from his ass. Why not 0.8? 0.7? 0.4? 3.141925? times faster/slower than our universe? Why did you choose 0.9, other than you were trying to look smart for the cameras?

If this kid wants to show off for his mom's ignorant friends at dinner parties, fine. Let him. But,please, don't stick this idiot on Youtube. It's bad for the legitimate scientists of the world.

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Funny or Die Sucks -- Update

I thought that I would post an updated example of another not funny video from "Funny or Die" -- the unfunny Youtube video series that features a whole cadre of Hollywood stars. This particular one features Adam West (of Batman and Family Guy fame).




First off, the scene where the guy get robbed and killed in his own house. I've posted videos of people getting hurt on my blog before, and I've even posted vids of insurgents getting wasted by U.S. troops. I have no problem with violence in general. However, in this particular case, it comes off as much creepier. There is just something disturbing, even to me, about seeing a guy get shot in his pajamas. Of course, a lot of the reason why they show this is because it's a white guy getting shot by another white guy, which makes it perfectly okay. If it were, say, a black man shooting/getting shot by a white guy, that would be racist.

Second, the solution shown in the video is dorky. I was really hoping for some sort of "Bazookanator" or instant death ray gun to help protect the home owner. I would have even settled for a vampire dog. But, the eye hole thing is a piece that gets way too much usage in comedy shorts. Back in the days of Looney Toons, maybe it was fresh. But, after 80 years of seeing it, not so much.

Finally, Adam West is best seen and not heard. He's cool in Family Guy because his voice is so weird. But, on screen, he looks like some sort of pedophile grandpa. I guess if someone was really drunk or stoned, it might appeal to them. But, I'm sober and not so much.

Maybe I'm just nit picking here. But, I don't find these videos funny. What do you think?

 

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Associated Content: Splogs, Sploggers, and Splogging from Splogfrica

I am fed up with looking for information on Associated Content, EHow, HubPages, Helium, or any of the other similar myriad pages that pay people to write articles. Most of the information is complete and utter junk. Here are some examples.

A brief and poorly written "dissertation" on time travel

So this is a good example of what I'm writing about with contentless Associated Content articles. Read the article (it only takes about a minute) and ask yourself how much effort you feel that the author of that article put into writing it. If your answer was that he or she (probably he) put less than 10 minutes of effort into writing it, you're almost certainly right. I would have said under five minutes of effort, except for the fact that the article was largely free of spelling and punctuation errors, which means that the author probably couldn't have written it stream-of-consciousness style.

Also, to be fair, I wouldn't expect something much deeper than this, given the article's title. However, it is frustrating when you're looking for information that is a little more in depth and useful. Here is an example:

How to change the locks on your door

If you read the article carefully, the author basically tells you to take the old locks off and put the new ones on. Well, thanks and duh, which is exactly the problem with associated content articles -- lots of information that literally resembles the types of answers you get when you ask a the girl at Best Buy what is the difference between the two televisions and she responds with an answer like, "Well, this one is a Toshiba, which is a good brand . . . I guess . . . and this one is a Sony. I guess this one is a little bigger, um, and it has higher D-P-I, whatever that means, and um, it costs a bit more but . . . it's more fun to watch . . . um, I think this is actually the kind my brother has, like an LCD, which is cool . . . and . . . this one has big speakers. I don't know -- I just started working here last week." In other words, she doesn't know anything and is there as floor furniture and to make sure you don't shoplift.


However, the last type of article is even more annoying -- the articles where people actually give out the wrong information. Here is a good example:

Should You Go to Mexico for Plastic Surgery?

I'm not going to go into all of the reasons why this article sucks other than to say that there are 120 million people in Mexico, many of whom even make frequent trips to the doctor and live to tell about it. In fact, a large percentage of Mexican doctors have been trained inside the U.S. or in Europe, not that the Mexican medical schools are inferior or anything. Remember, brown does not equal dangerous, as much as Fox News and the Republican Party would like you to think otherwise. Here is my poorly written article debunking the myths in the first poorly written article:

Hospitals in Mexico: Debunking the Myths

In summary: If you don't know how to use Google, lack common sense, or have recently injured your brain, you will benefit from the articles on Associated Content. If none of the above applies to you, do a little more research and get your information from more reputable sources -- like rumors and small children.



Cute Black Girl:

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Kanye West: Superzero or Supervillian?

I be so bad


It has been a hard couple of weeks for Kanye West. After stealing the spotlight from Taylor Swift at an awards ceremony that few watched or cared about, West has been the subject of hatred and ridicule from no less than Mr. Obama himself. Future Twits looks into the future and reveals that things are about to get worse for West before they get better.

Future Twit for October 22, 2009


@KanyeEast It's been a hard couple of months since I stole the thunder of Taylor Swift at the MTV music awards. I have been shot, stabbed, hung by the neck until almost dead, burned, maimed, mocked, and called a jackass by the President of the United States (takes one to know one). Women scream when I approach, men vomit and
ask God to die, and little kids run up and kick me in the crotch.
I be pimpin'

I've changed my name to one that's much more incognito. I feel safer now.

@AngryWhiteWoman: Kanye, you are the devil incarnate! How dare you hurt that poor . . . what-her-face-country-singer-girl. You are what is wrong with America! People have died because of you!



Yeah, dat right

@KanyeEast: Oh no, they found me!

@AnnoyingLittleGirl: My doggy had a puppy, and that puppy died. When I asked mommy what happened to the puppy, she said that it died because it was sad because Kanye West was mean to Taylor Swift and made her cry. Mr. West, why did you kill my puppy?
In trainin'

@AngryWhiteMan: West, you are a sick man! If I weren't so fat from years of eating Burger King, I would kick your ass! As it stands, I'll have to try to cut you off in traffic instead.

@KanyeEast: Why do you people hate me? What did I do to you? Sure, I was a jerk at a contrived television award ceremony. But, so what? All it did was make that Swift girl famous (for a few weeks at least), made me relevant again, and made Obama shove his foot in his mouth (not the first time; not the last time).

Don't you people have better things to do with your lives than to hate celebrities you've never even met before (and aren't likely to meet either)?

@AngryWhiteWoman: You know, Mr. West, you're right. We should find better things to do with our time. Let's go attack that child molester, Michael Jackson!

@AngryWhiteMan: No wait! He's dead.

@AngryWhiteWoman: That's right. He's not a villian anymore – he's a hero! Lets go buy his albums and lots of useless memorabilia crap.

@AnnoyingLittleGirl: Mommy, mommy, can Michael Jackson touch me too?

@AngryWhiteWoman: No, but we'll go see if Keith Olbermann is home.


Give me sum suga!