5 Reasons Why NES Was The Best Console Ever

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Back in the days before game consoles used huge graphics cards as a crutch, game programmers had to actually put effort into making games fun. Such was the case with the original NES game system. Thus, without further ado, here are five reasons why I think NES was the best game console ever.

1. They had Super Mario Brothers 3: Whether it was warp whistles or the tanooki suit, this video game was one of the best video games ever made. It just had a fun, easy, laid back style of play that you just don't see in most of the games today (except for the latter games in the Mario series on the Wii).

2. It was the only show in town: Today, people have all kinds of options available to them for entertainment. Back when the NES was in full swing, the options for entertainment were a lot more limited. Sure, the NES can't compete with the X-Box, but imagine how fun the console was when your only other options were local TV (cable if you were lucky) and -- the horror -- going outside. That alone was enough to propel the NES into the realm of instant nostalgia.

3. The games were more diverse/creative: The trend in video games over the past 10 years or so has been to make releases increasingly like a Hollywood production: big budget, lots of special effects, and a formula that producers more or less know will work. With the NES games back in the day, you had games all over the place: questing games with Zelda, fighting games with Mike Tyson Boxing and Double Dragon, and running and jumping games with The Simpsons vs. The Aliens and the Mario series. It was kind of like the Sundance festival of gaming.

4. The NES was a pioneer: Arguably Atari and the game Space Invaders deserve this honor. But, at the same time, Atari really didn't forge the whole home video gaming industry in the same way that NES did. Prior to NES, having a game console was something like having a ham radio or a bug collection -- cool but still rare. After NES, having a video game console became a lot more like having a TV.

5. Because I said so: Look, it's my article, and I can declare it the best game console of all time if I want. If you disagree, leave me a comment telling me why.

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4 Reasons Why Tea Partiers Are Idiots:

4  Reasons Why Tea Partiers Are Idiots:

You’ve heard them on the radios; you’ve seen them on T.V. You’ve known them, you’ve lived among them, and (God forbid) you might even be one of them. But, do you know why they’re idiots? Here, I give you five reasons why members of the so called Tea Party movement are idiots.

1.       They hate the government: This has to be one of the stupidest arguments that Tea Partiers routinely make: “government doesn’t solve anything; it only makes the problem worse”. Oh really? So, you’re telling me that you don’t appreciate the government owned roads that you drive on for work every day, the government run police and fire stations that protect your house when you’re gone, the government military that prevents other nations from invading you, etc.? Give me a break.

Still not convinced? Well, let’s look at some other examples of countries with small government, say Somalia. How’s that working out for them?

2.       They like Glenn Beck: Or, specifically, they like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Michael Savage, Ron Paul, and a whole cadre of idiots who believe among other things that Barack Obama was born in Kenya the world was literally created in six days, and FEMA is running concentration camps.  Wow. Just wow.

3.       They hate taxing rich people: I have family members who are quite well off, including one household that makes over 150K per year, who live very comfortable lifestyles. However, even they don’t make enough money to pay more taxes if the Bush tax cuts are repealed. Yet, the Tea Party movement supports the repeal of these tax cuts, all under the guise of small government. Worse yet, they have duped tons of yokels into supporting this idea, very much against their own economic self interest. Again, wow.

4.       They cut spending needlessly: Let me explain. There are three main sources of discretionary government spending in this country (meaning after worker’s salaries have been paid, etc.): military, Social Security, and Medicare.  Between them, they account for like 80 or 90% of the budget annually. However, the whole focus of the Tea Partiers in balancing the budget is to cut programs like Pell Grants – spending that accounts for a tiny fraction (less than 1%) of the overall budget in the country annually. Bone heads.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I being too harsh? Leave your comments below.

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5 Reasons to Join a Cult

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 What You Never Knew Before About Loving the Leader

Even if people around you (family, friends, police) say that cults are dangerous institutions and that you should stay far away from them, you know better than they do. In fact, joining a cult can be one of the most rewarding and life changing experiences that you could ever have, regardless of how much money you have to pay the leader or how many orgies you have to have with him (or her). Here are the top 5 reasons to join a cult:
1. Free food: Are you one of those food junkies who walks around town looking for a free eat? Well, you're in luck -- cults provide an endless source of free food to all who join. Of course, everything in the cult is "free" already -- mostly because "money" and being "paid" for your "work" is of the "devil". If you don't like that, the leader will make sure to put you into hell for your blasphemy.
2. Hot women: In a cult, you will find a never-ending source of naive girls and young women that are potential dating opportunities. Of course, all of the good ones have already had at least 3 kids courtesy of "the leader" -- and most of the rest are either married to his lieutenants or promised to the god Zeus. However, you could still find some easy picking among the leftovers -- like the fat girl with a small mustache. Remember -- facial hair makes a person look distinguished.
3. Lots of exercise: In cults, they don't believe in the sissy western lifestyle where member sit on their arses in front of a computer all day. They believe in hard work and discipline -- mostly while the leader makes out with his "spiritual wives" in the next room over. In any case, you can be assured that you will work so hard and in such high heat that the fat (and for that matter your skin) will melt right off.
4. Physical and emotional pain: If you're one of those weirdos that likes to get hit so that they can get excited sexually, you're in luck. A cult will provide literally dozens of opportunities per day for members to be hit, slapped, beaten, and possibly sexually assaulted by the cult organizers. For just the price of constant work and your first-born son, you can be spat upon and made to feel lower than Satan's toilet. Sounds like a great deal, huh?
5. Salvation from eternal hell: Of course, the ultimate benefit and the reason why cults exist is to save their members from an eternal hell. Remember: however badly you get hurt in the cult, God is going to kick your arse twice as hard when you get to heaven.

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