Carrie Prejean: Woman of Many Talents

@Moderator: We here at Future Twits have an exclusive interview with Keith Olbermann and Carrie Prejean about the discovery of Carrie's sexy sex tape earlier this year.

@Moderator: Carrie, lets start out with you. You've admitted earlier this year that you made a sex tape for your boyfriend when you were a teenager. Does this seem to be keeping with the moral values that you publicly espoused during the beauty pageant?



@MissCalifornication: Um, I would answer that, but I really, really, have to go to the bathroom.

@Moderator: It's all that water you drank in the car, I guess.

@MissCalifornication: Yeah . . . something like that. I just need to . . . hey, does that laptop have a webcam?

@Moderator: Yes, I guess it does. I'm not sure why that's important though.

@MissCalifornication: Thanks! I'll be about 10 minutes.

@Moderator: Wait! My computer! Open the door!

@FatIdiot: With her gone, maybe we can talk about that tape! Have you see it? Good old "two fingered Girl Scout salute", eh?

@Moderator: First off Keith, I don't watch child porn and think anyone who does, including you if you saw the tape, is sick. Second, you're a misogynistic jerk, ESPECIALLY for your girl scout salute and all of the things that shows about what you think about women. Third, why do you care? It's a personal matter between her, God, and her boyfriend at the time. She did the same thing that probably 48 out of the other 49 contestants have done/will do, and I don't see anyone digging up their old boyfriends to look for sleaze. The only reason you or anyone else even found out about it is because she said something politically incorrect.

@FatIdiot: But, she's a HYPOCRITE. I mean, voicing her opinion about moral matters that way and then making a sex tape . . .

@Moderator: Listen, Dough Boy, everyone is a hypocrite when you come right down to it. Liberals love to throw that word around, but they are some of the biggest hypocrites of all. They talk about love and accepting people who live and think differently from you, yet when a public figure says something that they don't like, they try collectively to destroy that person. Sound like hypocrisy to me. Also, you've let so many of your own kind slide on personal morality, even after they made judgements about the personal morality of others (Letterman vs. Bristol Palin, for example), that I think you can let one of the opposition slide.

@FatIdiot: She wasn't that hot anyway.

@Moderator: Keith, let's face it, she's hotter than any girl you've ever been with that hasn't (probably) been with you because of your fame and money. You're fat, loud, obnoxious, and you always have a look on your face like you need to take a number two right this minute. Get over it.




@MissCalifornication: I'm done in there. Now, when you delete something off the hard drive on a computer, it's gone forever, isn't it?

@Moderator: Um . . . yeah, sure it is. Do you know what the recycling bin is?

@MissCalifornia: The what?

@Moderator: Yeah, just leave it on the table. I'll have Maxim . . . I mean the Geek Squad look at it to make sure everything is gone

(10,000$ here I come!!!)

Keith Olbermann -- Worst Person on Television

Ah, Keith Olbermann. I hesitate to call him a prick (it's part of a man) or a douchebag (it has a good chance of being close to a woman), but I have to call him . . . something.

In any case, Future Twits has been honored with an exclusive interview from this faggy momma's boy. Enjoy.

@Moderator: We here at Future Twits are very privileged to have Keith Olbermann with us today in the studio.

@PhatSnob: I hate Bill-O

@Moderator: Hold on there, Slick! Let me start out by asking you a question. One of the staples of your program every week is a segment called “The Worst Person in the World” where you name different people that have done things that you disapprove of during that week and then post their picture and a short description of why you think that they're such a bad person, correct?

@PhatSnob: I hate Rush Limbaugh.

@Moderator: That's nice. Now, my question to you is this: you don't literally mean that these people are the “worst people in the world”, do you? I mean, if I was going to make a list of the three worst people in the world, I'm pretty sure that no one that you've ever mentioned in any of your segments would be on there. Even though I don't agree with all of the politics of people like Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs, George Bush, etc., I still think that they're probably okay people in real life; and they certainly don't count as among the world's worst three people – probably not even in the top 100.

@PhatSnob: I hate Bush-wacker.

@Moderator: Right. Got that already. So . . . my list of world's worst people would include dictators like Kim Jong Il, Robert Mugabe, and Omar Hassan al-Bashir – all of whom have let millions of their own citizens starve to death for political reasons. After them, I might throw some ordinary criminals onto the list, like serial killers or child molesters. I might even be tempted to throw on a few people like Bernard Madoff, who stole billions and ruined thousands of people's lives. But, even there, I would feel a little bit inhibited because I don't know these people like God does.

@PhatSnob: God! That's another of the worlds worst people . . . if he existed, that is.

@Moderator: Uh huh. Let me ask you something, KO. Do you have brain damage by any chance? You seem very prone to outburst, and it's one of the classical signs of head trauma.

@PhatSnob: *sob It's true! I was at a gay parade, and I got my head stepped on by a big burly from Vermont.

@Moderator: Wait, how did you get your head stepped on . . . actually, don't answer that. I don't think that I want to know.

@Moderator: KO, don't you think your rhetoric might be a bit over the top though? Except for the small contingent of hard core lesbians that watch your show every night, I doubt that the the rest of the small audience that you have really appreciates that level of exaggeration – which might be the reason MSNBC is losing ground so quickly to Fox and CNN.

@PhatSnob: I hate everyone who has children, or loves Jesus, or . . .

@Moderator: You know what? I'm just going to put you out of your misery right now, KO. Someone get the phenobarbital and vodka!